83-year-old Mdm Lim Gee Lew previously struggled with loneliness as she lived alone after her husband sustained a fall at home and was transferred to a nursing home. Since she was referred to the Singapore Red Cross’ (SRC) ElderAid programme, Mdm Lim has found friendship and joy through her befriender and SRC’s community.

Growing up, Mdm Lim Gee Lew was fortunate to be given the opportunity to complete her secondary education. Upon graduation, Mdm Lim was employed as a temporary teacher before landing a job as a typist, a career she continued for many years down the road.

She then met her husband, Mr Chen, and they tied the knot when Mdm Lim was 24 years old. The couple have two sons who are now married with families of their own. In 2020 however, after 57 years of marriage, Mr Chen was suddenly diagnosed with dementia. Previously a quiet and caring man, he began to exhibit erratic behaviour and had poor control of his temper and emotions. Despite the fact that she had medical issues herself, Mdm Lim took on the role of key caregiver. 

When it rains, it pours

While Mdm Lim used to actively participate in Community Clubs and Resident’s Committees activities, her husband’s need for constant supervision made it hard for her to continue such activities, as his condition deteriorated. The pressure of being her husband’s sole caregiver took a toll on her and she felt disenchanted and alone in her journey.

In the early hours of a rainy morning in February 2021, Mr Chen had a fall. The water had seeped in due to a crack in the exterior wall of their unit and he had slipped, sustaining a head injury. He was rushed to Changi General Hospital, where the doctors informed Mdm Lim that he had a brain haemorrhage. Thankfully, it resolved on its own. Despite the fact that the incident had been beyond her control, Mdm Lim felt guilt and anxiety; and realised that with her old age and medical issues, Mr Chen was not in the best care. The decision was then made to transfer him to a nursing home.

Bringing cheer to her life

After the incident, 83-year-old Mdm Lim lived alone, this time facing a different set of anxieties and worries, such as a kneecap inflammation. Fortunately, she was referred to the SRC’s ElderAid programme through Changi General Hospital in 2021. SRC employees from the Community Engagement Division, Florence Sim and Sufiyyah Mohd Aref, have stayed in touch with Mdm Lim since then.

“I appreciate Florence and Sufiyyah for checking in with me frequently, and for bringing me to Kampung Senang for activities and haircuts. Once, Florence noticed that I needed some items and she included them in my customised care package. I was very thankful,” she says.

Sufiyyah also assigned a volunteer befriender, Denyse Teng, to Mdm Lim. While it was only Denyse’s third visit at Mdm Lim’s, the living room resounded with the pair’s lively conversations and laughter.

Crediting the SRC for brightening up her life with cheer, companionship and care, Mdm Lim says, “SRC has been very good to me. I feel less lonely now that I have someone to talk to.” Indeed, scientific studies have shown that companionship can significantly lower depression, improve overall well-being and enhance the resilience of the elderly.

Value of companionship

As a mother of three and a real estate agent, Denyse, 38, has a flexible day schedule and realised she could better utilise her free time during the day.

Three to four years ago, Denyse chanced upon SRC’s volunteer recruitment booth at Tampines West CC. She was intrigued to learn that volunteering could be as simple as visiting and chatting with the elderly.

“I enjoy chatting and so do the elderly. Besides, I’m free in the morning and most elderly prefer meeting in the morning too. It’s perfect!” she quips.

While she faced challenges such as language barrier in the past, Denyse finds that there is no better way to spend her time than volunteering and befriending the elderly in need of companionship.

“When we eventually grow old, I believe we would also like to have companionship. Age does not matter, what matters is, there is someone here for you. Physical presence matters,” Denyse muses as Mdm Lim nods her head, concurring with her sentiments.

Hoping to encourage others to volunteer as well, Denyse shares, “Volunteering does not take up too much of your time and effort. You will be matched to a beneficiary based on your availability and language. Why not give it a try if you have time?”

By Clara Lim
Copyedited by Ruth Lee, Volunteer